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Snow Is Falling, Blood And Tears Are Flowing |
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Friday, 26 February 2010 |
 It's been snowing without a break since yesterday morning. There's about 15 inches of the white stuff out there, Kika's nursery closed yesterday at lunchtime and my school this morning. It seems that the SnowLady knows I'm not able to function today and offered a generally accepted reason to stay put.
The news came at 1:30am - my Grandma died. It wasn't really a surprise, I knew she hasn't been well but still, I wasn't ready. What I regret the most is that this is the second person I "missed". When we came to Slovakia for Christmas, we were going to see her with Kika, she was looking forward to seeing her first great-grandkid, but while we were busy in Rosina, she had a brain stroke. I went to see her - without Kika - at ICU. Now I'm trying to both think of her and not think of her. It hurts and I know there's somebody out there who's hurting even more. And I have no words to tell her because I know very well that nothing will help. I know it will hurt for a long time. And I don't know if it will ever stop... I was not sleeping when the news came. I wanted to but I couldn't. After an 18-month break (if I don't count the time when Kika was born) I got my period again on Wednesday - if I can call it period because it definitely doesn't look like what I was used to having. Cramps, sometimes similar to labor contractions... and a lot of blood. I know that the real amount of  menstrual blood is smaller that percieved, but this is the first time when I can exactly tell how much I'm loosing. When I was looking for alternatives to disposable diapers, I also found alternatives to disposable pads and tampons. Cloth pads met the same barrier as cloth diapers but what made an impression was Divacup. And so few weeks ago I bought one because I knew that with Kika growing, the cycle of hormones would be starting soon. Both the manual and search results said that an average woman fills it about halfway in 12 hours. I was emptying a full cup every two to three hours. And when the cup and pad together didn't do the job, I took Kika's diaper... It's better now. But it's still snowing and both blood and tears are still flowing...
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 25 March 2010 )
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