Brandi Carlile: The Mother

Welcome to the end of being alone inside your mind
Tethered to another and you’re worried all the time
You always knew the melody but you never heard it rhyme

She’s fair and she is quiet, Lord, she doesn’t look like me
She made me love the morning, she’s a holiday at sea
The New York streets are as busy as they always used to be
But I am the mother of Evangeline

The first things that she took from me were selfishness and sleep
She broke a thousand heirlooms I was never meant to keep
She filled my life with color, cancelled plans and trashed my car
But none of that is ever who we are

Outside of my windows are the mountains and the snow
I hold you while you’re sleeping and I wish that I could go
All my rowdy friends around accomplishing their dreams
But I am the mother of Evangeline

They’ve still got their morning paper and their coffee and their time
They still enjoy their evenings with the skeptics and their wine
Oh but all the wonders I have seen I will see a second time
From inside of the ages through your eyes

You were not an accident where no one thought it through
The world has stood against us, made us mean to fight for you
And when we chose your name we knew that you’d fight the power, too

You’re nothing short of magical and beautiful to me
I would never hit the big time without you
So they can keep their treasure and their ties to the machine
Cause I am the mother of Evangeline

They can keep their treasure and their ties to the machine
Cause I am the mother of Evangeline


ešte jedna lampa – tentokrát o školstve (highly recommended)

Where+are+the+happiest+school+kidsfascinujúce, ako sa pohyb po rovnej čiare premení na “kruhový” 🙂

Jenny Offill on Modern Motherhood

I’ve always been someone who lives very much in my head. The startling, terrifying (and sometimes exhilarating) thing about becoming a mother was that that vanished almost immediately. I couldn’t think in any sustained way anymore; my mind flitted from thing to thing, and the novel I’d been writing for years no longer made much sense to me. My purpose became quite simply to keep her alive. My body was either on high alert or utterly exhausted. I remember saying to my husband early on, “When do you think we stop being so afraid? When can we stop white-knuckling it?” and he said, “I don’t know . . . Never?”

Víkendové surfovanie

calculated injustice

poľská blogerka píše o popôrodnej depresii – ťažké čítanie

každé dieťa na linku volá s istým zámerom

materská sa stále berie ako povaľovanie – ešte tak, keby sa tam nebolo treba registrovať…

Facebook news feed experiment


dobrá prednáška Dona Knutha

24 people who applied for the world’s toughest job were in for quite a surprise (h/t Zuzine za linku)

How my husband and I finally achieved equality at home

At first, it was easy. Tom and I supported each other in our work, shared the domestic drudgery equally, and always seemed to have time for each other and for fun. Life was not only good, it felt fair.

Then we had a son. And then a daughter. Like that frog in the science experiment who has the sense to jump out of a pot of boiling water but, plopped into tepid water, he doesn’t notice it gradually heating to boiling point until he is cooked, our division of labour through the years steadily grew laughably, ridiculously, irrationally, frustratingly unfair. Forget about having it all, it felt like I was doing it all.

“You are not the Lion King!” I would occasionally yell, usually after finding myself scrubbing an oven hood so clogged with grease that the smoke alarms wouldn’t stop screeching while he watched TV. “You don’t get to laze around while I do all the work!” He’d shoot back that my standards were too high. “You’re just like Marge Simpson. When her house was burning down, she found dirty dishes in the sink and stood there washing them,” he’d say.

When it came to the kids, I took them to all their medical appointments. Tom didn’t even know where the dentist’s office was. Without question, I was the one who stayed at home or rearranged my work schedule when they were sick. While Tom slept soundly or was off at work, I was the one still up at 2am baking cupcakes for the school or wrapping Christmas presents.

It had reached the point where I didn’t want to feel so hostile and resentful all the time, so I made a weird, lopsided bargain: I would do most of the child, house and garden work, taxes and drudge stuff. All I asked for in return, I told Tom, was this: “I just want you to notice – and say thank you.”

Mongolské dievča s orlom (pekné fotky)

Shaun the Sheep bude aj film (to by sme už možno mohli zobrať deti do kina):

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state of the world’s mothers (annual index)

What are the world’s best and worst places to be a mother? Each year, Save the Children analyzes the health, education and economic conditions for women and children around the world. Summaries of our findings are provided in the […] reports.

Thanksgiving in Mongolia (ťažké čítanie, obzvlášť pre práve tehotných)

I knew that a child would make life as a professional explorer largely impossible. But having a kid seemed in many ways like the wildest trip of all.

But the truth is, the ten or twenty minutes I was somebody’s mother were black magic. There is no adventure I would trade them for; there is no place I would rather have seen. Sometimes, when I think about it, I still feel a dark hurt from some primal part of myself, and if I’m alone in my apartment when this happens I will hear myself making sounds that I never made before I went to Mongolia. I realize that I have turned back into a wounded witch, wailing in the forest, undone.

Most of the time it seems sort of O.K., though, natural. Nature. Mother Nature. She is free to do whatever she chooses.


How do you get poor kids to apply to great colleges

You open the envelope and find a personalized letter from the College Board, the SAT people. It says that, because your grades and scores are in the top 10 percent of test takers in the nation, there are colleges asking you to apply. Princeton, Harvard, Emory, Smith—there’s a long list, places you’ve read about in books. And here’s an even more shocking page: It says the College Board somehow knows your mom can’t afford to pay for your schooling so it will be free. There’s even a chart comparing costs to these schools and your community college and the state campus, breaking them down in black and white—it turns out your mom would have to pay more to send you to the community college than to Princeton or Harvard. To top it all off, clipped to the packet are eight no-cost vouchers to cover your application fees!

project unbreakable

anger is more viral than joy

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 PhD Comics: Wisdom from my 3 year old:

Wisdom I Wisdom II Wisdom III


design agency lets clients pay what they want

portréty matiek s ich jednodňovými bábätkami

amazon prime air

how to get good at chess, fast

úžasné fotky snehových vločiek

gender neutral parenting: 5 ways to avoid implicit sexism

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how caring for aging parents affects a career

Having chosen the child-free life, I didn’t expect that caring for loved ones would play any significant role in my career path. But I didn’t factor in my mom and dad. Like many in my generation, I never fully considered the potential need to care for my aging parents.

Foregoing children was a complicated, difficult decision for me. It was riddled with fears about my parenting abilities, an irrational terror of labor pains, and the reality that I simply never felt ready. But once the decision was behind me, I enjoyed my marriage and career largely unfettered, supportive of my colleagues with kids, yet never imagining that I’d experience anything like the comings and goings of maternity leave that presented them with so many challenges. That is, until my parents began to age.

ako sa spozná falošná Rubikova kocka?

what people think about women, men and feminists


the girl who cried bear

Mostly, I see now, she told the story as a metaphor for the eternal Mantra of All Mothers, a mantra that only now, as a mother am I initiated into, a mantra which is: I tried my best. It wasn’t enough. But it could have been worse.

Joya Misra o materstve a nerovnosti

Motherhood is now a greater predictor of wage inequality than gender in the United States.


a potom si prečítajte toto: odpoveď na list z Harvardu o zladení profesionálneho života s rodinnými povinnosťami

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za komunistov sme sa mali lepšie…? (ale chýba tam bývanie)

rock’n rollová mapa Manhattanu

#NOTBUYINGIT: The Problem Is Far Bigger Than Audi’s #BraveryWins

At some point during the evening, the German company Audi debuted a PSA arguing against bodily autonomy, with some pretty transparent product placement snuck in…

How would your feelings have changed if the boy hadn’t been thin, white, and conventionally attractive? What if the commercial contained an epilogue where all the partygoers who ever felt attracted to the girl he kissed queued up behind him, waiting their turn? How would you feel if every single person who felt sexually attracted to you, regardless of your preferences or desire, felt entitled to spin you around and do whatever they pleased to you?

 20 zaujímavých vizitiek

Asimov's business card

free but not cheap

All the stuff that has to be done for kids, though, those things are jobs. Changing diapers, researching carseats, driving to soccer practice, washing clothes, catching vomit with your hand, putting to bed, filling out forms, searching out a replacement wubbie on the internet,  making lunches, making dinner, making breakfast, making snacks. Many of those tasks are not that brain-intensive, and are not valued highly, across all societies. That’s why a) motherhood sucks so much, b) it’s devalued so much, and c) wealthy women have always outsourced as many of those tasks as they could, until recently, so they got the relationship but not the jobs.

Do you want the relationship enough to suffer through the jobs? And that’s not a small question. The jobs almost break some of us. The jobs almost break almost all of us with kids under 3. And how you come through the jobs as your children age and the jobs change is not guaranteed, and it’s different for everyone.

mix and match parental leave plan (UK, od Zuziny)

  • New parents will be able to share 52 weeks of leave, taking time off together or alternating
  • Business groups warn the plan could create a headache for employers

Get to the Good Part: In Praise of Shortened Attention Spans

Potratové tabletky sa podieľajú na genocíde obyvateľstva – zatiaľ sa na Slovensku nedajú ani predpísať, ani kúpiť, ale už teraz majú ľudia ako tento bobky, že nebodaj by ženy mohli chcieť samy rozhodovať o sebe a svojich telách

Kuffa vyzval všetky ženy, aby tieto tabletky neužili, lebo sa nimi dejú dve veci. “Jednou tabletkou zabiješ svoju dušu a zabiješ telo dieťaťa. Je to vážna vec, má to psychosomatické dôsledky na matku. Táto tabletka znižuje dôstojnosť ženy a ohrozuje jej zdravie. Demografický vývoj je nepriaznivý a toto podmienky ešte zhorší. Nemôžeme sa podieľať na genocíde nášho obyvateľstva,” apeloval.

most women would rather divorce than be a housewife

Here’s some great news.  The vast majority of young people – about 80% of women and 70% of men across all races, classes, and family backgrounds — desire an egalitarian marriage in which both partners share breadwinning, housekeeping, and child rearing… In practice, however, egalitarian relationships are difficult to establish.  Both work and family are “greedy institutions,” ones that take up lots of time and energy.  Many couples find that, once children arrive, it’s impossible for both to do both with equal gusto. With this in mind, Gerson asked her respondents what type of family they would like if, for whatever reason, they couldn’t sustain an equal partnership.  She discovered that, while men’s and women’s ideals are very similar, their fallback positions deviate dramatically.

a ešte toto:

How to avoid rape

O sťažovaní sa na deti

Najprv malá príručka.

Keď sa chcete sťažovať na deti, treba v prvom rade brať do úvahy obecenstvo. Ak sa rozprávate so slobodnou bezdetnou osobou, tak na to rovno zabudnite. Kým vysvetlíte, o čo vlastne ide a prečo si zaslúžite ich sympatie, to váhavé prikývnutie nebude stáť za vynaloženú námahu. Ak sa rozprávate so zadanou bezdetnou osobou, postupujte opatrne. Môžte sa trochu vyventilovať, treba ich varovať, ale zároveň pamätajte na to, že možno sa aj oni niekedy budú chcieť množiť. Ak sa rozprávate s niekým, kto má rovnako veľa detí ako vy, do toho! Táto jama je takmer bezodná a môžete do nej nakladať, koľko vládzete. Ak sa rozprávate s niekým, kto má viac detí, ako vy, tak sa len usmievajte a tíško prikyvujte.

Čo sa týka sťažností samotných, nech sú podľa možnosti vtipné a neškodné. Nikto nechce počúvať, ako to skutočne je. Celé to potom zakončite frázou “Ale aj tak som rád/rada, že ich mám”. Tá akoby čarovným prútikom negovala všetko, čo bolo pred ňou. (Vyskúšajte si to.) A treba to ešte prešpikovať historkami o tom, akí sú zlatí, aby ste trafili tú správnu skulinku, kedy je sťažovanie sa ešte prijateľné a aby nikto nepochyboval, ako máte radi svoje ratolesti.

A teraz vážne.

Nie sme pripravení na to, aké to bude. Povedia vám, že pôrod bolí, ale neviete ako, kým to neskúsite. Povedia vám, že s kojením niekedy bývajú problémy, ale neviete, aké to je, keď dieťa vyhlási štrajk, alebo keď máte bradavky vyťahané a do krvi rozhryzené od tlačiacich sa zubov, alebo keď trvá mesiace, kým sa bábo prvýkrát prisaje. Tušíte, že nebudete mať veľa voľného času, ale netušíte, aký prerušovaný bude zrazu celý život, ako strácate kus seba samej, ako je prvé roky váš denný rozvrh nepredvídateľný a plánovanie náročné, lebo závisí na veľa predpokladoch, na ktoré sa nedá spoľahnúť. Týmto sa ani tak nesťažujem, ako snažím vysvetliť, prečo sa rodičia a obzvlášť mamy sťažujú.

A popri tom všetkom je tu taký ten mýtus milujúcej, oddanej matky, bez nejakých vážnych vnútornych konfliktov. Materstvo ako základná črta nášho pohlavia. (V zmysle, že keď nejakú starostlivosť deťom poskytujem ja, berie sa to ako samozrejmosť, na to som predurčená. Keď presne takú istú starostlivosť poskytne on, berie sa to ako obdivuhodná pozitívna záležitosť.) A keď sa príliš nahlas posťažujem, keď veci nejdú ideálne, tak hneď tesne pod povrchom bublú pochybosti, či som dobrá mama a čo robím zle.

A aj keď rozumovo viem, že celý tento 20-alebo-koľko-ročný projekt je plný protichodných emócií, hormónov (na začiatku mojich, časom ich… áno, ešte nie sú ani v škole a ja sa už bojím puberty) a zmien, tak som nebola pripravená ani na to, že namiesto jednej osoby sú tu zrazu dve. Som tu ja, tá, čo tu bola aj predtým. A som tu ja, niečia mama. A odhliadnuc od toho, že niektorí akoby na tú prvú zabudli, vnímajú ma už “len” cez deti, tak tá druhá je trochu strašidelná v tom, že miluje ľudí, ktorí ju využívajú, napínajú jej trpezlivosť do krajnosti (a niekedy aj za hranice a potom to naozaj nedopadá dobre) a vyžadujú viac výdrže a pozornosti, než je niekedy schopná poskytnúť. Keby sme toto povedali o vzťahu s dospelou osobou, jediná rada by bola utekaj a neobzeraj sa. Keď sa jedná o deti, jediná rada, ktorá ma napadá, je záchranná sieť – rodičia, svokrovci, súrodenci, priatelia, susedia, opatrovateľky… ktokoľvek, kto je ochotný pomáhať, keď vy práve nevládzete. A ideálne je, ak ju máte vybudovanú ešte predtým, ako sa do tohto podnikania pustíte.

Som si takmer úplne istá, že to takto nemá byť. Že sa mi to nemá zdať také ťažké, že by som sa nemala tak často cítiť tak neschopne. Že možno, trochu viac spánku, pár dobrých rád, teplá večera, ktorú nemusím nachystať ja a občasný voľný čas mimo domu bez detí problémy síce neporiešia, ale aspoň dodajú síl sa na ne znovu pozrieť a znovu sa s nimi popasovať. A uberú chuť sa toľko sťažovať.

Lebo ja sa v poslednej dobe sťažujem dosť, akurát je to väčšinou osobne a nie tu. Je to tým, že to nie je len môj príbeh. Je to aj príbeh mojich malých a aj keď je moje sťažovanie právoplatné, stále sú to oni, kto je v celej situácii najzraniteľnejší. Ale zároveň sa mi zdá, že aj to sťažovanie samotné má svoj zmysel. Keď sa s niekým podelím aj o tie škaredé pravdy, je tu šanca, že zistím, že nie som jediná, kto nejaké má. Že zase na oplátku si vypočujem tie, ktoré má niekto iný, a že s tým vedomím to bude ľahšie. Možno.

Ale aj tak som rada, že ich mám.