Víkendové surfovanie

čo sa deje v žilinskej nemocnici: časť 1 a časť 2

the facts of death (Neil Gaiman o Terrym Pratchetovi)

raising teenagers

A writer friend comes round. She brings her son, who is the same age as my older daughter. Once we carried these children in our arms; at other times we pushed them in strollers, or led them by the hand. Now he follows his mother in like a pet lion on a leash, a proud, taciturn beast who has consented, temporarily, to be tamed. My daughter has this same aura of the wild about her, as though beneath a veneer of sophistication she is constantly hearing the summons of her native land, somewhere formless and free that still lies inside her and to which at any moment she might return. The manners of adulthood have been recently acquired. There’s no knowing how quickly they could be discarded. She and my friend’s son greet each other in territorial monosyllables. It is as though they are two people from the same distant country who have met here in my sitting room. They’ve met before, often, but you’d never know: Those were old– versions of themselves, like drafts of a novel the author no longer stands by. All the same, I expect them to take themselves off elsewhere, to another room; I expect them to flee the middle-aged climate of the sitting room, but they don’t. They arrange themselves close to us, two lions resting close to the shade of their respective trees, and they watch.

My friend and I have a few years of conversation behind us. We’ve talked about motherhood — we’ve both spent a large part of our time as a single parent — and its relationship to writing. We’ve talked about the problems and pleasures of honoring reality, in life and in art. She has never upheld the shadowless account of parenthood; and perhaps consequently, nor does she now allude to her teenage son as a kind of vandal who has ruined the lovely picture. We talk about our own teenage years, and the hostility of our parents’ generation to any form of disagreement with their children. Any system of authority based on control fears dissidence more than anything else, she says. You two don’t realize how lucky you are, and the lions roll their eyes.

fire is stored sunshine:

Ministerstvo školstva chce pritiahnuť absolventov prestížnych univerzít do štátnej správy

Víkendové surfovanie

snehové vločky rastúce pod mikroskopom

why schools are failing our boys

The lack of movement and rigid restrictions associated with modern schooling are killing my son’s soul.

moja kamarátka Zuzina to po štyroch rokoch zabalila v Ugande, vybrala sa na pár týždňov do Argentíny, potom zavítala aj na Slovensko (to, že sme skoro do druhej v noci klábosili pri vínku jej nebráni, aby na druhý deň vyliezla v snehu na Suchý) a ja som už teraz zvedavá, kam ju najbližšie vietor zaveje

nové NICE (UK) odporúčania pre tehotné ženy

Advise low‑risk multiparous [and nulliparous with additional explanation] women that planning to give birth at home or in a midwifery‑led unit (freestanding or alongside) is particularly suitable for them because the rate of interventions is lower and the outcome for the baby is no different compared with an obstetric unit.

kojenie v Sixtínskej kaplnke – keď sa už môže tam, v prítomnosti pápeža, tak to už by sa mohlo všade inde, nie?

hluché dvojročné dievčatko sa rozpráva s mamou:

pri príležitosti The theory of everything aj niečo na čítanie

O bystrých deťoch a náboženstve

odtiaľto

Faith… the choice to believe in something without proof (and yes, for us, it is a choice)… does not ever work for us. Our heads and hearts simply do not function that way. I know this because I’ve tried to believe, driven myself to ulcers, and failed. Trying to use faith with smart kids is a lot like trying to mix oil and water without any additives. Yes, you can do it… sort of… if you beat the snot out of it. But even then it’s strictly temporary, eventually it still separates.

Víkendové surfovanie

prvá časť rozhovoru, ktorý som na jeseň robila s Austrálčankou Hannah Dahlen

amazing radiology images

Why you should tell your children how much you make – tanto článok (prišiel s ním Mišo) pred pár dňami inšpiroval zaujímavú debatu u nás doma

Vo štvrtok večer som sa s kolegami kúsok pred vypršaním časového limitu dostala z The Room (síce bez nápovedy, ale nie úplne štandardným spôsobom… zážitok odporúčam). A zhodou okolností sa ku mne dostal aj článok na podobnú tému.

equality doesn’t mean justice:

equality

pred dnešnou lyžovačkou (áno, aj s deťmi; áno, deti išli aj na vleku; áno, traja dospelí mali čo robiť) sme včera motivačne pozerali tento film (Bol síce divný, ale zábery kopcov boli pekné a komentáre obecenstva vtipné, takže sa to dalo pozrieť.):

A ten dôvod, prečo tu nestíham písať nič iné, ako tieto linky? Lebo sa plácam niekde v piatej kapitole.

Hold on to your kids

holdonTáto kniha má podnadpis “Prečo treba, aby na rodičoch záležalo viac ako na rovesníkoch”. Niekedy pred časom som tu písala o knihe Nurture assumption, ktorá mala pre zmenu podnadpis “Na rodičoch záleží menej, než si myslíte a na rovesníkoch viac”. V niečom sú tieto knihy protikladmi, ale v niečom sa dosť dopĺňajú.

Hovorí o tom, že rovesníci naše deti ovplyvňujú rôznymi spôsobmi, aj dobrými aj zlými a že je to normálne. Ale môže to byť deštruktívne vtedy, keď deti nemajú dostatočne silnú väzbu na rodičov a keď rodičia nie sú dostupní (fyzicky, emocionálne, psychicky) a deti to vzniknuté prázdno zaplnia vzťahmi s rovesníkmi – keď rovesníci preberú úlohu rodičov vo vzťahoch. Problém je to preto, že rovesníci dieťatu neposkytnú bezvýhradnú lásku a podporu (“Mám Ťa rada a som tu pre Teba, nech sa deje čokoľvek.”) a deti pre svoj vývoj potrebujú práve takýto silný vzťah, v ktorom sa nemusia báť, že ich niekto zosmiešni, v ktorom majú istotu a nemusia sa s nikým porovnávať. Takýto vzťah s rodičmi má podľa autorov slúžiť ako kompas v živote dieťaťa, obzvlášť v dnešenej dobe, keď sa oveľa menej času trávi v rodinách v porovnaní s časom tráveným s rovesníkmi.

Kniha hovorí aj o tom, prečo sila a manipulácia (tresty a odmeny) nefungujú:

As our power to parent decreases, our preoccupation with leverage increases. Euphemisms abound: bribes are called variously rewards, incentives, and positive reinforcement; threats and punishments are rechristened warnings, natural consequences, and negative reinforcements; applying psychological force is often referred to as modifying behaviour or teaching a lesson. These euphemisms camouflage attempts to motivate the child by external pressure because his intrinsic motivation is deemed inadequate. Attachment is natural and arises from within; leverage is contrived and imposed from without. In any other realm, we would see use of leverage as manipulation. In parenting, such means of getting a child to follow our will have become embraced by many as normal and appropriate.

A o tom, aký je dôležitý vzťah rodič-dieťa:

No matter what problem or issue we face in parenting, our relationship with our children should be the highest priority. Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior… Many a child for whom the parents feel unconditional love receives the message that this love is very conditional indeed… Unconditional acceptance is the most difficult to convey exactly when it is most needed: when our children have disappointed us, violated our values, or made themselves odious to us.

O tom, aký vplyv to má na učenie:

At least initially, peer-oriented children also tend to be more schoolable… School takes children out of the home, separating parent-oriented children from the adults to whom they are attached. For such children the separation anxiety will be intense and the sense of disorientation at school will be acute…  The elevated anxiety it provokes interferes with learning…  Being alarmed affects our ability to focus and to remember. Anxiety makes it difficult to read the cues and follow directions. A child simply cannot learn well when feeling lost and alarmed.

Children already peer-oriented by the time they enter school do not face such a dilemma. In the first days of school in kindergarten, a peer-oriented child would appear smarter, more confident, and better able to benefit from the school experience. The parent-oriented child, impaired by separation anxiety would, by contrast, appear to be less adept and capable – at least until he can form a good attachment with a teacher… In the short term, peer orientation appears to be a godsend. And it is undoubtedly this dynamic that research taps into when discovering the benefits to early education.

In the long term… the positive effects on learning of reduced anxiety and disorientation will gradually be canceled by the negative effects of peer orientation. Thus follows the research evidence that early advantages of preschool education are not sustainable over time. Peer-oriented kids go to school to be with their friends, not to learn. If these friends are also not into learning, academic performance will slip. When children go to school to be with one another, they are primed only to learn enough not to stand out, to remain with those their own age. Other than that, learning is irrelevant and can even be a liability to peer relationships.

Táto kniha sa mi vpodstate páčila. Píše presne o takom vzťahu s deťmi, aký by som chela mať. Ale zároveň sa mi zdá (čiastočne aj kvôli prečítaniu The Nurture Assumption), že preháňa ten vplyv, ktorý môžu mať rodičia. A napriek tom, že ponúka zopár príkladov, ako zabrániť tom, aby sa deti stali príliš “peer-oriented” alebo čo robiť v prípade, že sa tak už stalo, nie je ich veľa a nie sú veľmi nápomocné.

A potom ešte jedna veľmi zvláštna vec. Píšu o detských priateľstvách v takej rovine, že vpodstate nie sú nutné a nie sú to “ozajstné” (áno, dávajú aj definíciu, aké sú tie ozajstné) priateľstvá. Už len dívajúc sa späť na vlastné detstvo, aj keby neboli ozajstné (čo boli), tak by mi bez nich bolo horšie a niektoré z nich pretrvali až doteraz. Myslím, že v tomto ani zďaleka nebudem jediná. Takže celkovo, kniha stojí za prečítanie, ale treba ju brať s rezervou a skôr sa sústrediť na to posilnenie vzťahu s rodičmi ako no oslabovanie alebo selektovanie vzťahov detí s ich s rovesníkmi.

Víkendové surfovanie

‘Not Rescuing’ Our Kids Shouldn’t Mean Letting Them Flounder

That is not an unreasonable approach to shepherding your children into the pasture of responsibility, and we’ve certainly practiced various forms of it over the years with our own children. No, you can’t spend our money on Cheez-Its from the school vending machine because you left your peanut-butter rice cake at home.

But if you’re cold on the hike that I begged you to take with me, yes, I will give you my jacket. Not because I’m the depressed and obscene giving tree. But because you’re my darling. Because you’re so lovely to take this walk with me. Because your father, just yesterday, put his sweatshirt around my chilly shoulders at a bar.

I understand why so many of the smartest women I know are proudly carrying the no-rescue flag. Mothers have been the coddlers, historically speaking: the bringers of forgotten things, the tenders of the beleaguered. “I am sick of doing everything for everybody,” we may be saying. “And I don’t want my kids to be hapless dependents.” Fair enough. Except, not to sound like a bad capitalist, independence may not be such a great goal either. Everyone taking good care of themselves, efficiently separated from the needs of others — is that the best possible world we can live in?

My son wears dresses; get over it

To me, loving a child who is different, a target and seen as vulnerable is my role as a father and decent human being. He’s just as special to me and loved by me as my oldest son, whose most prized possession is a pocketknife, who plays football, likes fart jokes, and is starting to notice girls.

Víkendové surfovanie

zopár videí z našich simulácií

na pobavenie:

IMG_194890580715078

dobrý rozhovor s Ivetou Lazorovou

Are search queries becoming even more unique? Statistics from Google

20% of searches each day are new or haven’t been completed in the last 6 months

what color is the sun?

This may sound like a trivial question, but what color is the Sun? Really — I realize it appears yellow to our Sun-adapted eyes. But I also know that our eyes do not respond uniformly to all colors. So, to a completely unbiased instrument, in what part of the electromagnetic spectrum does the Sun’s radiation intensity peak?

Víkendové surfovanie

the day of the condom

The Effects of Menstruation on Attitudes Towards Women

Participants interacted with a female confederate who ostensibly accidentally dropped either a tampon or hair clip out of her handbag. Dropping the tampon led to lower evaluations of the confederate’s competence, decreased liking for her, and a marginal tendency to avoid sitting close to her.

Relational Self Portrait

The universe has not been built to scale—
everything is bigger or smaller than
it seems: the sea, the hole, a ship, a sail,

your line, the hook, your heart—that’s where the nail
of desire drives deep. Sorrow can span
a universe that is not built to scale

demon core

On May 21, 1946, physicist Louis Slotin and seven other Los Alamos personnel were in a Los Alamos laboratory conducting an experiment to verify the exact point at which a subcritical mass (core) of fissile material could be made critical by the positioning of neutron reflectors. The test was known as “tickling the dragon’s tail” for its extreme risk. It required the operator to place two half-spheres of beryllium (a neutron reflector) around the core to be tested and manually lower the top reflector over the core via a thumb hole on the top. As the reflectors were manually moved closer and farther away from each other, scintillation counters measured the relative activity from the core. Allowing them to close completely could result in the instantaneous formation of a critical mass and a lethal power excursion. Under Slotin’s unapproved protocol, the only thing preventing this was the blade of a standard flathead screwdriver, manipulated by the scientist’s other hand.

Psychologické prednášky pre rodičov v Žiline

Na jednej prednáške tejto psychologičky som už bola (Zvládanie vzdoru u detí) a pred rokom sme 1-to-1 riešili ešte iný problém. Oboje bolo veľmi dobré, takže preto odporúčam.

prednasky

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